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 Reaper's T1 Turian App

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Reaper

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PostSubject: Reaper's T1 Turian App   Fri Jun 03, 2016 9:57 pm

Steam Name : The Lone Wolf, Reaper

Steam ID: STEAM_0:1:124257503

Steam Profile : http://steamcommunity.com/id/TheLoneWolfReaper/

RP Experience : 2 Years, Staff on Two starwarsrp servers, Commander in two of them, high ranks in a Halorp and a Millitaryrp

Cool Mass Effect Fact: The Geth were made to be slaves only to say fuck you and throw the Quarians off their own planet, and The Turian Lifespan is similar to a human(incase the Geth one wasn't legit)


Char Name: Serius Octation

Age: 49

What can your Char do for our Ship?: Combat

Char Equiment: M-23 Katana,M13 Raptor,M8 Avenger, M9 Tempest

Moral Alignment: lawful neutral

Strengths: High Pain Tolerance,extremely skilled in Mid-Long Range combat, Easily Trusted, Smart, and nice

Weaknesses: Gullible, PTSD from previous events in life, Blind in Left eye from Shrapnel that was Lodged into his eye from a ML-77, Poor in Close-hand to hand combat

Char Backstory: ( I am not a Very Good Writer, This WILL not be the best Backstory)(this is also not in lore, its a custom backstory, the events that are happening in this story are not in lore)
Serius's past doesn't matter,all he cares about is when he boarded one of the Turain Destroyers, around 2176, the Destroyer that Serius was aboard was sent to fight some thought to be, scummy pirates, but they were well aware.They quickly hid and waited in an asteroid field, three frigates, they tore apart the destroyer, forcing to crash land on a unknown planet to the turians.They sent out a distress beacon before crashing,as the ship crashed, some of the crew, including Serius boarded a Small Shuttle and escaped thought they had escaped their demise, but they discovered that they were being followed,and landed immediately to kill off their pirates that were following.
This was the Mistake they made,the pirates were well armed and ready to fight, the moment the Turian crew lept out, M8-Avenger's in hand, a ML-77 Rocket Struck the Ground in front  of Serius, Shrapnel hitting him in the face, he fell to the Ground while the other Turian soldiers fought to protect one another, killing off most of the Pirates when a Alliance Cruiser had Jumped in to make quick work of the Pirate Frigates, and a Shuttle was dispatched to see if any of the Turian crew had survived, finding wounded Serius and about 14 others, and about 4 corpses  of Turian and about 8 pirate courpses, Serius had been quickly onto the Alliance Shuttle with the rest of the Turians, his left eye was completely destroyed, along with the Eye socket, the shrapnel was 2 cm away from the Brain, making poor and already wounded Serius have to undergo major surgery, the Shrapnel removed and the eyes socket repaired, he had a entire month leave do to his eye injury. he'd later resign his rank as a Gunnery Mastery Sargent to have a peaceful life on the Turian home world Palaven, but being extremely bored as a Citizen, he boarded the Geisha in hopes of finding a way to Prove to himself  that he is not worthless.


Last edited by Reaper on Mon Jun 06, 2016 12:30 pm; edited 2 times in total
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[KiloSE7EN]

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PostSubject: Re: Reaper's T1 Turian App   Sat Jun 04, 2016 12:23 pm

This is a good start, but keep working at it. Your backstory is fine, but you may want to fix the grammar issues and double check your spelling. The first paragraph is one long run-on sentence and so is most of the second paragraph, for example.

If you'd like some help revising, feel free to add me on Steam.

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Reaper

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PostSubject: Re: Reaper's T1 Turian App   Sat Jun 04, 2016 7:23 pm

Thanks!

I'll Try my best to fix it as soon as i can!

Very Happy Like a Star @ heaven
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Reaper

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PostSubject: Re: Reaper's T1 Turian App   Mon Jun 06, 2016 12:24 pm

There its Mostly fixed and ready to be judged, i think.
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Sail

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PostSubject: Re: Reaper's T1 Turian App   Mon Jun 06, 2016 12:38 pm

I do not understand half of the backstory; the part after him resigning from his military rank is kind of... Odd. You do not elaborate on why he resigned in the first place, went to palevan, and what specific reasons for his coming on board the Geisha.
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Reaper

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PostSubject: Re: Reaper's T1 Turian App   Mon Jun 06, 2016 4:01 pm

he resigned after losing his left eye, because he felt like he could not keep up with his fellow turian soliders,he went to Paleven becuase this is where he was born, raised, and left, he went back to Paleven because this was a special place in his heart, he felt that he did not belong as a civilian, and that he needed to have some purpose to his life.
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PostSubject: Re: Reaper's T1 Turian App   Mon Jun 06, 2016 7:06 pm

Reaper wrote:
he resigned after losing his left eye, because he felt like he could not keep up with his fellow turian soliders,he went to Paleven becuase this is where he was born, raised, and left, he went back to Paleven because this was a special place in his heart, he felt that he did not belong as a civilian, and that he needed to have some purpose to his life.

You should add that bit to your backstory, then!
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PostSubject: Re: Reaper's T1 Turian App   Thu Jun 09, 2016 12:53 am

Run on sentences and grammatical errors make this hardly legible. I know you're young, but you need put some effort into this. Quality over quantity. Denied.

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