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 Renegade's Turian App

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Posts : 1
Join date : 2016-07-24
Age : 19

PostSubject: Renegade's Turian App   Sat Jul 30, 2016 9:56 pm

Steam Name: Renegade
Steam ID: STEAM_0:0:39688467
Steam Profile Link: http://steamcommunity.com/id/GoodLuckCommander
Age: 17
Rp Experience: I've been RPing for about five years. A majority of that time was spent on MMOs such as Guild Wars 2 and SWTOR, the rest were spent on GMod RP servers like HL2RP, SSTRP, etc.
How did you stumble upon our server?: I asked a friend of mine about it.
Tell me a cool Mass Effect Fact: Seth Green improvised a lot of Joker's dialogue.

Character Name: Hadrien Aetius
Character Race: Turian
Why did you choose this race?: First, I just find humans a smidge boring. Second, I don't know much about any other race. Third, I think Turians are interesting in general, especially when it comes to their military. Also, Garrus is my favorite character.
Age: 24
What can your character do for our ship? (Muscle, Maintenance, Triggerman, Comedic Act, etc.): Security/Muscle
Character Equipment: M-15 Vindicator, M-6 Carnifex, Light Guardian Armor, Omni-Blade
Moral Alignment: Neutral Good
Strengths: Evasive, empowered when alongside allies, considerate, dutiful, tolerant
Weaknesses: Uncharismatic, reserved, suffers from inferiority complex, inexperienced in CQC, dependent on allies
Character Backstory:

Born on Palaven two years after the Relay 314 Incident, Hadrien was raised by a military family. All of his family members served in the Turian military in some way, shape, or form. Both his father and mother served as crew members in the 79th Flotilla, while one of his brothers, Pullitius, served as an engineer. Hadrien's mother took care of him for a year, until she grew tired to caring for the child and chose to resume her duty. His other brother, Arius, wished to join the 43rd Marine Division. However, both of their parents and Pullitius refused to care for the year old child. Thus, Arius was forced to care for Hadrien until his fifteenth birthday. Until that day, Arius watched over the child as he grew. Hadrien always seemed to be quiet, usually only speaking when spoken to. He'd always do what he was supposed to do and avoid what he was told to avoid. He loved and appreciated his brother, even if his brother didn't entirely feel the same way.

Once his fifteenth birthday arrived, he was off to boot camp, his brother glad to finally be rid of him. During his time in boot camp, he tried oh so hard to excel in the various training exercises he and his comrades went through. Perhaps he tried too hard. Despite him trying his best during the exercises, he could never really compete with his peers. He began feeling inferior compared to his peers, making very few friends during his time there. After spending a full year at boot camp, he was assigned to the 43rd Marine Division. He was slightly more talkative after boot camp, but he still preferred keeping to himself, using the limited amount of spare time he had to read and write. He saw very little action, aside from the weekly firing exercises his unit had. He spent two years in the 43rd Marine Division. Two years of exercises and the occasional patrol throughout his homeworld. He felt that he could better serve Turian society by becoming a MP. So, he bid farewell to his unit and said hello to the military police. He saw slightly more action as a provost, having to deal with small citizen resistance along with his partner. Shooting at actual people was way different from shooting at target dummies. He started to grow acquainted to small firefights, though he was fearful of getting injured. Spending almost a year as a MP, he became close friends with his partner, Maetina. He felt like he could take on the world with her by his side. He'd soon regret having this thought. A week before Hadrien would achieve his first year as a provost, he was patrolling the streets with his partner when several gunshots were heard in the distance. Radio chatter increased by a large margin. Hadrien, along with Maetina, went to investigate the scene, linking up with two other patrols along the way. Upon arrival, they were met with an intense firefight between a Turian MP force and a nondescript, rebellious organization. In the middle of the fight, Maetina took a lethal shot to the chest. The distraught Hadrien sprinted to Maetina's side, remaining there for the duration of the firefight. The MPs prevailed in the end, though Maetina's death was deemed more important by Hadrien. A week after his partner's death, he resigned from the force. Unable to rid the thought of Maetina's death, he decided to borrow credits from his parents to pay for a one way ticket to the Citadel.

The moment he stepped off the shuttle, he was greeted by a stunted Volus. The unknown Volus talked about setting up a shop and has been looking for a business partner. He seemed shady; however, Hadrien paid no mind to that. Looking to start making money, he accepted the Volus' offer. The two set up shop in a somewhat secluded area of the Citadel, selling suspiciously cheap firearms. Unfortunately, shortly after setting up shop, a local protection racket forced the two lowly shopkeepers to pay for "protection," which they did end up paying for. Their average profits were cut in half, causing relations between Hadrien and the mysterious Volus to worsen, eventually getting to the point where Hadrien decided to cut off the Volus entirely, taking half of the credits earned. Using the money earned from his failed business venture, he bought himself some reliable, sturdy equipment. Before he could leave the Citadel, the Geth attacked. The moment the first shot was fired, he frantically searched for a secure locale, being forced into skirmishes with Geth forces along the way. The fear of death drove Hadrien to survive, causing him to fire panicked shots, which were effective to an extent. When he did manage to find a C-Sec-secured area, he chose to fight alongside C-Sec forces until Sovereign was destroyed and all opposing forces have been eliminated. After experiencing the most intense battle he's had the displeasure to be part of, he used what was left of the money to buy his way off the Citadel. He ended up in a place named Oasis Station, immediately searching for jobs after stepping off the ship, desperate to start rolling in the credits again in order to sustain himself. Eventually, he was confronted by a recruiter representing the Yoshida Syndicate. Being promised enough money to last him a lifetime, he signed on with the Syndicate, a decision he may or may not regret.
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Posts : 15
Join date : 2016-05-25
Age : 18

PostSubject: Re: Renegade's Turian App   Sat Jul 30, 2016 10:36 pm

+Support, Really like the story Very Happy
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Posts : 18
Join date : 2016-07-25

PostSubject: Re: Renegade's Turian App   Sat Jul 30, 2016 10:45 pm

Looks fairly decent, but I also see a few mistakes in-between the lines.
Seems like a few things were rushed out, and could use some considerable polishing.
That aside, your character seems moderately balanced, and you seem to have a feasible backstory to boot.
You have my +SUPPORT.

Last edited by Wirlno on Sat Jul 30, 2016 10:46 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Posts : 50
Join date : 2016-04-20

PostSubject: Re: Renegade's Turian App   Sat Jul 30, 2016 10:45 pm

Not too bad, interesting story. A few grammar errors here and there, spacing would need some sprucing up, but it's not really something to detract from it's quality.

Not exactly hot on there being way too many turian applications as of late, but I'm not really going to complain about it. Razz

Approved, do enjoy yourself.
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