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 Autonomous' Salarian application “Zaellus”

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Autonomous

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PostSubject: Autonomous' Salarian application “Zaellus”   Tue Aug 02, 2016 8:19 pm

Steam name: Autonomous

Steam ID: STEAM_0:1:38291453

Steam profile link: http://steamcommunity.com/id/independentauto

Real life age: Nineteen (eleventh of June, 1997)


Role-play experience: I've done a lot of role-play inside Garry's Mod. This includes Half-Life 2 role-play and nightmare role-play. I have a total of 6,302 hours in Garry's Mod, where only 2,000 hours have probably been spend on Dark role-play and sandbox.
Outside of Garry's Mod I'm a real Fallout fanatic and a Mass Effect fan.
Aside from that I work on side projects such as retrieving the lore and information of games (such as Unreal II: The Awakening) who barely have any fan fiction (good luck becoming wiser about Unreal II: The Awakening with the current information.)

How did you stumble upon our server? A friend of mine, Saving Private Gandhi, wouldn't stop talking about this server.

Tell me a cool Mass Effect fact:
The interior of the Normandy SR1 is bigger than the exterior. Not cool enough? When you send a probe to Uranus, EDI comments “Really Shepard? Probing Uranus?”


Character name:  Nasurn Ziban Aegohr Sija Zaellus

Character race: Salarian.

Why did you choose this race? In real life, I follow a laboratory education. I'm adept in physical-chemistry and medical-biology. During my play-throughs on Mass Effect, I found out that lots of Salarian people are in the science branch, be it as researchers or mechanics. I feel like I have enough knowledge to contribute in-character to the ship's crew by role-playing as a scientist in either the medical sector or physics sector (the ships' workings for example.)

Age of character: Twenty-one.

What can your character do for our ship? My character has a degree in physical chemistry and medical biology. He has worked on projects for the Human Sirta Foundation (stem cells research for the regenerating armor) and the Citadels' medical center (pathologist.)

Character equipment:
-Light survivor armor II (Devlon Industries);
-Basic laboratory safety equipment (goggles, gloves (hazmat and surgical), gas mask.);
-Basic laboratory equipment (writing equipment, surgical equipment (various tweezers, scissors, scalpels and so on, of surgical steel);
-Civilian clothing.

Moral alignment: Lawful Neutral.

Strengths: Like all Salarians, Zaellus has a fast metabolism. This makes them move, concentrate, learn, react, think and work faster than other species. Zaellus is very observant and a great logical thinker. He easily finds theories to solutions and this makes him the perfect scientist.

Weaknesses: Salarians talk fast which makes them hard to understand at times. Zaellus is always curious and sometimes knows more than he should. It's hard to get information out of him because of the Sirta incident (see backstory) and he has PTSD because of this. He also has trouble with focusing on other matters when he is working, making it seem as if he's ignoring whoever is talking to him. He also thinks out loud. Aside from the psychological weaknesses, Zaellus has a fragile build and he is warm-blooded, meaning that his body doesn't regulate its own temperature.

Character backstory: More accurate, detailed and better written backstory of this character can be found here.

Outdated!
Zaellus was born on the Salariaat colony of Nasurn, city of Aegohr in the Ziban territory, to the clan of Sija. Zaellus' clan was dedicated to science in the civilian and private sector, only the second last generation of Sija was the first of the clan to move from Nasurn to the Citadel, where they worked for civilian laboratories such as medical centers and food & wares agencies, and only a few were lucky enough to be hired in the private sector. This encouraged Zaellus to uphold the tradition of being an individual to move the future in the name of science, and mainly to uphold the clans' name which has always been important in Salarian ancient and modern culture. Zaellus finished his education on the university of Aegohr when he was seventeen years of age and was specialized in basic quantum physics, advanced medical-biology (histology, haematology, cytology, pathology, micro-biology, genetics) , advanced physical-chemistry and advanced scientific mathematics.

Zaellus immediately chose to move to the Citadel after graduating, and came in contact with agents of the Sirta foundation on the shipyard of Aegohr. Here, he received his first job to work on a project that involved a “health-regenerating” suit. His first responsibilities as an analyst were extremely simple: extract deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA) and analyze the biological data. Samples who had the best cell-regenerating and generating properties were candidates and were transplanted into stem cells. The project was completed for eighty percent, it was a project performed by Zaellus and thirteen other scientists who worked on the laboratory. On a Thursday, an unknown ship landed next to the compound of the Sirta laboratory that was located on an icy, level II hazardous planet. The five human guards weren't a match for the Turian-Human raiders. The brutal raiders managed to get into the laboratory after murdering half of the science staff, and threatened to kill the warm-blooded Zaellus and his Human colleagues in cold blood if they didn't hand over the experimental health-regenerating suit. The chief-scientist chose to hand the suit over, including all of the research data to avoid his research staff from being murdered. The raiders then left the compound and never came back, just like Zaellus and some other junior-scientists who were dead-scared for another raid by a violent party.

After Zaellus quit working for the Sirta foundation, he decided to work on saver ground, the Citadel. He turned nineteen when he was hired by the Citadel's medical center to work as a pathologist. If a civilian had a disease, a surgeon would collect a sample of the infected tissue and then Zaellus would analyze it. Most diseases were cancer, infections and other exotic diseases from travellers who explored the galaxy. The most horrific one Zaellus has encountered  was an insectoid parasite that resided in the patients' lung tissue that fed itself on the alveoli, causing heavy anaemia, necrosis, numbness, coldness, paranoia, insomnia and eventually suffocation to death. Zaellus' record has got over two-hundred cured patients and only three failed  analyzations, resulting in one patients' death and two patients' permanent handicap. On the side, Zaellus took a self-defense class where he learned the Human krav maga and a basic sidearm training.

After two years spent at the Citadels' medical center, he decided to apply to a private ship named “Geisha.” Here, he hopes to help in the science branch. Zaellus' specialization is pathology, but he's also adept in chemistry, physics and mathematics. Each ship has a surgeon, but each surgeon needs a scientist to say where to cut. Each expedition is a risk to become infected by dangerous micro-organisms, only scientists can identify those. Each mining sample has to be identified, and all of those reasons are why Zaellus thinks that he should be on the Geisha.[/b][/b]


Last edited by Autonomous on Wed Aug 17, 2016 4:55 pm; edited 3 times in total (Reason for editing : Fixing spelling errors)
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Wirlno

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PostSubject: Re: Autonomous' Salarian application “Zaellus”   Tue Aug 02, 2016 11:06 pm

There's an evident lack of Salarians here - and yours looks pretty damn good enough to help spice up the diversity.
Aside from that, you have an adequate backstory with useful traits to boot.
I suppose the only thing I see wrong here is a few grammar choices you've made - but ignoring them, you have a splendid insight on his history, gear and general person.
Consider yourself +supported, friend. Smile
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Autonomous

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PostSubject: Re: Autonomous' Salarian application “Zaellus”   Wed Aug 03, 2016 1:59 am

Wirlno wrote:
There's an evident lack of Salarians here - and yours looks pretty damn good enough to help spice up the diversity.
Aside from that, you have an adequate backstory with useful traits to boot.
I suppose the only thing I see wrong here is a few grammar choices you've made - but ignoring them, you have a splendid insight on his history, gear and general person.
Consider yourself +supported, friend. Smile

Thank you for your friendly reply! Could you point out any remaining grammatical/spelling faults if you'd like? I believe I fixed most of them.
I like to adress that my characters' specialties in the scientific field are actual knowledge of mine. I'm following a laboratory study so I can work at the university's medical center as an analyst-pathologist (someone who both prepares samples and analyzes them) when I'm twenty-two. I have a few more years to go but the preparation itself is amazing, both theoretical and practical. Anyway, I feel like my real-life knowledge can help contribute in-character to realistically perform passive role-play. Also I'll see if I can find these grammatical faults.
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SavingPrivateGandhi

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Age : 17

PostSubject: Feedback   Wed Aug 03, 2016 11:08 am

Grammatical Errors


How did you stumble upon our server? A friend of mine, Saving Private Ghandi, wouldn't stop talking about this server.

It's Gandhi, not Ghandi.

with focussing on other matters when he is working, making it seem as if he's ignorning whoever is talking to him.

Focusing, and ignoring.

(histology, hematology, cytology, pathology, micro-biology, genetics) , advanced physical-chemistry and advanced scientific mathematics.

It's haematology if you're referring to the study of blood.



The most horrific one Zaellus has encountered  was an insectoid parasite that resided in the patients' lung tissue that fed itself on the alveoli, causing heavy anemia, necrosis, numbness, coldness, paranoia,

It's anaemia, not anemia.


I'm sure there are other, small errors in grammar, but overall I thought the grammatical element was fine, especially since English isn't your first language.


Conclusion

Really interesting character backstory; I can tell you've done lots of research. I know personally that you're a good role player, so there's no doubt in that. There is a lack in Salarians, and they certainly add a different factor to the RP. Clearly, you are suited to a science-revolving character.
+support
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Autonomous

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PostSubject: Re: Autonomous' Salarian application “Zaellus”   Wed Aug 03, 2016 11:20 am

SavingPrivateGandhi wrote:
Grammatical Errors


How did you stumble upon our server? A friend of mine, Saving Private Ghandi, wouldn't stop talking about this server.

It's Gandhi, not Ghandi.

with focussing on other matters when he is working, making it seem as if he's ignorning whoever is talking to him.

Focusing, and ignoring.

(histology, hematology, cytology, pathology, micro-biology, genetics) , advanced physical-chemistry and advanced scientific mathematics.

It's haematology if you're referring to the study of blood.



The most horrific one Zaellus has encountered  was an insectoid parasite that resided in the patients' lung tissue that fed itself on the alveoli, causing heavy anemia, necrosis, numbness, coldness, paranoia,

It's anaemia, not anemia.


I'm sure there are other, small errors in grammar, but overall I thought the grammatical element was fine, especially since English isn't your first language.


Conclusion

Really interesting character backstory; I can tell you've done lots of research. I know personally that you're a good role player, so there's no doubt in that. There is a lack in Salarians, and they certainly add a different factor to the RP. Clearly, you are suited to a science-revolving character.
+support

Thanks for your reply! I'll fix the errors right now. And god, you and me, we've role-played a lot in the past.
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Crystallized0Rose

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PostSubject: Re: Autonomous' Salarian application “Zaellus”   Wed Aug 03, 2016 2:56 pm

Well, seeing as I am the PROGENITOR OF THE FROG PEOPLE, I believe it only fitting that I myself review this app.  Very Happy

Autonomous wrote:
Strengths: Like all Salarians, Zaellus has a fast metabolism. This makes them move, concentrate, learn, react, think and work faster than other species. Zaellus is very observant and a great logical thinker. He easily finds theories to solutions and this makes him the perfect scientist.

Weaknesses: Salarians talk fast which makes them hard to understand at times. Zaellus is always curious and sometimes knows more than he should. It's hard to get information out of him because of the Sirta incident (see backstory) and he has PTSD because of this. He also has trouble with focusing on other matters when he is working, making it seem as if he's ignoring whoever is talking to him. He also thinks out loud. Aside from the psychological weaknesses, Zaellus has a fragile build and he is warm-blooded, meaning that his body doesn't regulate its own temperature.

Well, yes.  Salarians have a fast metabolism.  Salarians are naturally scientifically-minded.  Salarians can be really fast talkers.  Salarians are fragile compared to other species, even humans.  

Is there anything about Zaellus himself that can be put into these categories?  For instance, is he arrogant?  Has he got a bad leg?  Anything specific to this character and not a general characteristic of his species would be a lot better to list in these sections (eg. my character Tei is technologically adept but can be quite a bully, and socially abrasive and insulting).


Autonomous wrote:
After two years spent at the Citadels' medical center, he decided to apply to a private ship named “Geisha.” Here, he hopes to help in the science branch.

Question, did Zaellus realize the Geisha was a criminal ship before he applied/boarded?  If he did, why would he apply for it?  He seems like a pretty upstanding fellow.  If he didn't, then how did he hear about the Geisha in the first place?

Keep in mind these criticisms are very minor.  There's nothing holding you back from being ACCEPTED here and now (and basically you are because that is my stamp of approval); you can feel free to hop on the server with Zaellus as-is.  I'd just like to see the changes, at least to the strengths/weaknesses section, because that is going to feed into your character's personality and make him more than just a cookie cutter froggy.
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Autonomous

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PostSubject: Re: Autonomous' Salarian application “Zaellus”   Thu Aug 04, 2016 6:49 am

Crystallized0Rose wrote:
Well, seeing as I am the PROGENITOR OF THE FROG PEOPLE, I believe it only fitting that I myself review this app.  Very Happy

Autonomous wrote:
Strengths: Like all Salarians, Zaellus has a fast metabolism. This makes them move, concentrate, learn, react, think and work faster than other species. Zaellus is very observant and a great logical thinker. He easily finds theories to solutions and this makes him the perfect scientist.

Weaknesses: Salarians talk fast which makes them hard to understand at times. Zaellus is always curious and sometimes knows more than he should. It's hard to get information out of him because of the Sirta incident (see backstory) and he has PTSD because of this. He also has trouble with focusing on other matters when he is working, making it seem as if he's ignoring whoever is talking to him. He also thinks out loud. Aside from the psychological weaknesses, Zaellus has a fragile build and he is warm-blooded, meaning that his body doesn't regulate its own temperature.

Well, yes.  Salarians have a fast metabolism.  Salarians are naturally scientifically-minded.  Salarians can be really fast talkers.  Salarians are fragile compared to other species, even humans.  

Is there anything about Zaellus himself that can be put into these categories?  For instance, is he arrogant?  Has he got a bad leg?  Anything specific to this character and not a general characteristic of his species would be a lot better to list in these sections (eg. my character Tei is technologically adept but can be quite a bully, and socially abrasive and insulting).


Autonomous wrote:
After two years spent at the Citadels' medical center, he decided to apply to a private ship named “Geisha.” Here, he hopes to help in the science branch.

Question, did Zaellus realize the Geisha was a criminal ship before he applied/boarded?  If he did, why would he apply for it?  He seems like a pretty upstanding fellow.  If he didn't, then how did he hear about the Geisha in the first place?

Keep in mind these criticisms are very minor.  There's nothing holding you back from being ACCEPTED here and now (and basically you are because that is my stamp of approval); you can feel free to hop on the server with Zaellus as-is.  I'd just like to see the changes, at least to the strengths/weaknesses section, because that is going to feed into your character's personality and make him more than just a cookie cutter froggy.

Thank you for the seal of approval! I will make a character sheet about Zaellus in the upcoming days, I'm spending time with my partner until next week Tuesday. I consciously want to make Zaellus board the Geisha as the good guy. I find it hard to make unmorally decisions, but playing as a character who is breaking bad would be way easier in my eyes. I will, however, work out the strenghts and weaknesses.
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Autonomous

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PostSubject: Re: Autonomous' Salarian application “Zaellus”   Sat Aug 06, 2016 7:40 pm

Made the following changes so that Zaellus will at the very least last on a criminal ship:
-Zaellus has spent two years in the Special Tasks Group of the Salarian military. He has the ability to use sniper rifles, assault rifles and pistols;
-He's more of an adventurous type;
-Made Zaellus two years older.

Exact changes can be seen in his backstory in the character sheet section here. Abilities and disabilities will be added later.

Edit; 17th of August:
-Hyperlink to Zaellus' backstory in the character sheets/bios section added (since it will be updated frequently.)
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