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 Aden Torack, I ain't got a damn clue what I'm doing...

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drag00nknightnl



Posts : 2
Join date : 2016-07-12

PostSubject: Aden Torack, I ain't got a damn clue what I'm doing...    Tue Jul 12, 2016 4:53 pm

Steam Name: Drag00nknightnl
Steam ID: STEAM_0:1:58869737
Steam Profile Link: http://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198078005203/
Age: 18
Rp Experience: 7 years, but really been starting up again for the last 3 years.
How did you stumble upon our server?: Bluefire told me about this place after I pretty much bashed my head against the wall on this other MErp place because I had nothing to do.
Tell me a cool Mass Effect Fact: Reapers are secretly controlled by a small dog, other then that. I got nothing.

Character Name: Aden Torack
Character Race: Batarian
Why did you choose this race?: Because Blue told me to, no seriously, and I had no other idea for a Character to make.
Age: 30
What can your character do for our ship? (Muscle, Maintenance, Triggerman, Comedic Act, etc.): Muscle, his preference for heavy weapons and armor can give the ship an edge in combat too... beside just being strong as shit. Plus he can maintain, modify and repair weapons and armor.
Character Equipment:

  • Heavy Jormangund Crisis Armor, colored black with grey tiger stripes. Also has other various modifications, such as stronger shields and more ammo capacity. Downside though, it's rather heavy and will slow him down during combat.
  • M9-Tempest
  • M-11 Wraith
  • M100 - Grenade Launcher
  • Enforcement Gauntlets.
  • Various Datapads on how to maintain weapons and armor. Also a couple on how to modify them and make them.
  • Omni-Tool, of course, with various programs on it to aid him in combat tactics and notes on various armors and weapons.
  • A maintenance kit and the materials needed. Wrenches, screw drivers, soldering tools, Welding tools and other such items for the application of armor or weapon mods.


Moral Alignment: True Neutral

Strengths:

  • ┬áHis actual strength, his time as a Slaver, and his subsequent desertion/search for his Sister, has left him in a good shape.
  • Combat, Specifically trained in Suppression of enemy forces and leaving the enemy with very little cover to hide behind. Aden is a scary combatant that knows how to turn the battlefield to his hand. If that doesn't work, he can always work as a heavy shock trooper. Taking hits and pushing against the enemy so that they always feel the heat of battle on their necks even when they think they're safe.
  • Patient and a keen eye for details, as well as during or outside of combat. He's quite calm, almost never raising his voice even when he's angry.
  • Armor/Weapon Maintenance, partially due to his time as a Slaver on his parents ship he was taught to take good care of his weapons and armor. This has pushed through to him becoming rather skilled in keeping armor or weapons that look like it's been through hell, working without a problem.
  • He's quite the Intimidating presence. Though he can't discuss diplomacy to save his life, he can always rely on good old intimidation to get his work done.


Weaknesses:

  • Racist, he's a Batarian and even his time as a travelling Merc hasn't dissuaded his opinions on several races. Mostly Humans and Asari, though he has gained a silent respect for the Turians and the Krogan during his time as a Merc.
  • He's possessive of his items, to the point he'll threaten anyone with physical harm if they touch his stuff without him approving of it first.
  • Awful speaker, he can negotiate for prices a bit. But do not leave Diplomacy in his hands unless you want an all out war in record time.
  • Hypocrite, he's the master of "Do as I say! Not as I do!" and will chastise anyone for bad behavior or bad habits that he does as well.
  • Destructive, with his grenade launcher in tow he is, if it wasn't obvious, quite destructive. Destroying the enemy's cover to deprive them from it... at the same time, it deprives his team of said cover as well. Forcing them to trek through dangerous open ground which will make them a prime target for snipers. His way of decimating the opponents cover is quite skilled, but it is advisable not to bring him along in Operations where you're planning a slow and deliberate advance... or, y'know. Just take his grenade launcher away from him during those missions.
  • Combat Tactics, again though it is a strength it is also a weakness. His weaponry limits him to medium/close range encounters. Anything beyond that and it'll be less, to completely not, effective. His speed too, lowers his ability to get into effective cover at a moments notice. The combination of these two make him a prime target for Snipers, who see this massively armored Shock Trooper as nothing more then a dumb waddling duck. He doesn't have much against Biotics or Tech users: Someone using Tech can easily disable his shields and weapons, leaving him wide open for the enemy as he tries to, slowly, get away. Biotics meanwhile require a tad bit more skill, a singularity for example will take him down with ease as he lacks any possible escape from it. Even if he had, he still would be too slow due to his armor. Any ability that hampers his movement speed, if it isn't obvious, is extra effective on him. Making a slightly slow target even slower.



Character Backstory a.ka. how or why are you here (One paragraph minimum, be creative!):

Doing the same job for most of your life is quite boring, Aden knows that the best. His Parents having retired on Khar'Shan and leaving him the family business of Piracy and Slavery when he was 18 didn't sit well with him. But he took it because his parents asked him to, his Sister had left with them to join the Military. She never was a fan of the job and so he was the only one left to take it over. He could've said no, but this was something Aden had known his entire life, though he wasn't a successful Leader he could keep people in line through presence alone. Of course, even he wants to do something differently and when he heard that his Sister had deserted the Military... it was like a call to him that he too should change his work.

When he became 22 he finally worked up the courage and told his Parents that he'd be selling the ship to become a Mercenary, part of him was rather tired of the constant raiding of planets. Sure, being a Mercenary wouldn't be that much different but it mostly came down to something simple... he wasn't the Leader anymore. He simply preferred to follow then to lead.

Working as a Mercenary has lead him all over the universe but he never forgot of his original job. To find out where his Sister had gone to, that was something he had to Promise his parents. They would allow him to quit his job if he found their Sister and got an answer for the what she had done.
Even before he reached Omega, which really is the Mercenary Capital of the Universe, he had a lot of odd jobs. He worked an assignment fighting off Slavers and Pirates on a remote Colony and liberated a ship who's occupants had fallen under Reaper Control... not that he knew the latter bit at the time. He just focused on the tense close quarters combat of the ship. It wasn't a large place is my point, barely enough room for two people to stand beside each other and even then they couldn't lift their arms. So people went in with Groups of Three. Fighting off the massive amount of Husks and Automated Defenses in the dark corridors. In the end, it always descended into hand to hand with each group running out of the Thermal Clips needed to run their weapons and cursing the inventions of the things. After a week of fighting, they finally cleared the ship and towed the thing back to their Employer. The small group of Mercs went their seperate ways, but not before Aden asked them all about where Anayo might be. Their Employer pointed him towards Omega, reasoning that anyone who'd desert the Military would probably go there to ply their trade as a Merc. And thus, Aden went there.

His work had finally lead him to Omega, thinking that he would find her there... which was kinda correct and wrong at the same time. His work led him from everywhere on Omega. From small scale Skirmishes as a Gang's Demolitions Expert to working a few years under Aria T'Loak as an Enforcer. Each job ended with the same question "Have you heard of my Sister?" and each led him closer, or even farther, away from her each time.

After a while, he was pointed towards the Syndicate. Under the idea of "If Aria's people don't know where she is. They're you're second best chance". Though working with Humans is something he prefers not to do, if it meant finding Anayo... then dammit, he'll have to stow away his disgust for the Hairless Apes and ask them for help. Sure enough, he joined up with them and after working several assignments as a Heavy, he was sent towards the Geisha as his next assignment.


Last edited by drag00nknightnl on Wed Jul 13, 2016 4:19 pm; edited 3 times in total
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Filtershakes

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PostSubject: Re: Aden Torack, I ain't got a damn clue what I'm doing...    Tue Jul 12, 2016 6:35 pm

A batarian? :O

That's like, a unicorn here . . .

But, as excited as I am for something that's not another human/turian/quarian, I do have some concerns.

First impressions looking at it are a flat nope, not gonna happen. The equipment he has is insane and it looks like you went with a min/max approach to it rather than trying to give him some weaknesses in combat to balance him out.

Get back to work on adding in some very big weaknesses(or make the current ones more severe) to balance out the equipment, or scale back what type of equipment he has to something more reasonable.

Edit: You're also missing a question from the app "Why did you pick this species for your character?"
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Arglack

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PostSubject: Re: Aden Torack, I ain't got a damn clue what I'm doing...    Tue Jul 12, 2016 8:19 pm

Your Equipment is really, really overpowered, you need to tone that down.

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drag00nknightnl



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PostSubject: Re: Aden Torack, I ain't got a damn clue what I'm doing...    Wed Jul 13, 2016 4:20 pm

Made the Edits you asked for and toned down his equipment to the point that, I hope, it is seen as reasonable. All edits have been made bold as to signify changes.
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Arglack

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PostSubject: Re: Aden Torack, I ain't got a damn clue what I'm doing...    Wed Jul 13, 2016 5:30 pm

I'm sorry, but your equipment, and character himself, even after your edits doesn't looks resonable, I barely see any downsides, and he's still too much overpowered, after alot of discussion, i'm denying this character, you are free to reapply in a week, take some time, and rewrite it.
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