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 East Clintwood's Bogus Application

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East Clintwood

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PostSubject: East Clintwood's Bogus Application   Fri Jul 01, 2016 9:45 pm

Steam Name: East Clintwood
Steam ID:STEAM_0:0:53746919
Steam Profile Link: http://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198067759566/
Age:15
RP Experience: 3 Years on various CW servers ranging from HL2RP to MERP to Pretty much all of the Star Wars servers.
How did you stumble upon our server?: I was a member of the Singularity MERP and everyone's been bugging me about it since this server came about. Razz
Tell me a cool Mass Effect Fact: Mordin Solus was inspired by Clint Eastwood.

Character Name: Shalck Lergnacs
Character Race: Turian
Age:36
Why did you choose this race?: I wanted to do something genuinely interesting for once.
What can your character do for our ship?: Rifleman, Amazing cook, Minor maintenance abilities.
Character Equipment: M-15 Vindicator M-5 Phalanx,
Moral Alignment: (See Chart) Lawful Good
Strengths: Good sense of humor, Accurate shot, Loyal, High moral standing, nearly incorruptible, Nearly fearless.
Weaknesses: Occasionally glutinous, Gambling addiction, Insecure about doing well, adrenaline junky.


Character Backstory a.ka. how or why are you here (One paragraph minimum, be creative!):


Shalck Lergnacs, born into the Turian Hierarchy leading a normal average Turian lifestyle in his early years. Joining the Turian military to serve the state at 15 specializing in Infantry combat not taking an interest in ships. Up until the age of 25 he was in the Turian Military. Moving on to C-Sec and spending a year there. Eventually getting into work as a security guard for multiple large corporations. However, never actually having been deployed in his life and only dealing with several small encounters in C-Sec, Shalck hadn't had much 'action' or any real danger in his life making him quite bored. Shalck decided to do something with his life. Find 'adventure' somewhere in the Galaxy.

He decided to become a body guard shortly after realizing Security was all too similar to C-Sec. Taking anywhere from couriers to Play-creature Decillionaires. He took a low-priority courier on his way from Omega to the Citadel. Halfway through the trip, another vessel approached and sent out a shuttle, the ship was quickly boarded and the Courier killed. The shooters had been identified as Blue Suns. He stowed away in a mostly empty crate. The only items inside were several bricks of building materials which he thought nothing of. Hoping the Blue Suns would pass him by, five of the thugs unfortunately, approached the crate. Overhearing a conversation from the Blue Suns, he was on his way to a station he had never heard of and they had commandeered the ship and took his crate into cockpit to keep a close eye on, meaning those building materials may have been something else. Upon arrival at the station several hours later, the crate was brought into a storage facility where he managed to sneak his way out on a shuttle arriving at a smaller, nearly empty station. The shuttle was almost out of fuel and with nowhere else to go, he struck up a deal with several crew members of the cargo ship. They would allow him on board if he could provide some sort of helpful skill for the other crew members. Not fully knowing what he was in for, he boarded the ship, which one of the members said was called the Geisha.


I take full responsibility for all the shittiness of this application. I feel this may be one of the worst apps I've ever made.


Last edited by East Clintwood on Sun Jul 03, 2016 2:19 pm; edited 3 times in total (Reason for editing : Changed All 'to' similar to all 'too' similar.)
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[Legion]
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PostSubject: Re: East Clintwood's Bogus Application   Fri Jul 01, 2016 10:16 pm

Tweak it a bit.
Up until the age of 25 he was in the Turian Military, in which he moved on to C-Sec, spending a year there and getting into work as a security guard for multiple large corporations, and never actually having been deployed in his life, and only dealing with several small encounters in C-Sec, Shalck hadn't had much 'action' or any real danger in his life. wrote:
Thats a big ol' run on sentence.

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East Clintwood

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PostSubject: Re: East Clintwood's Bogus Application   Fri Jul 01, 2016 10:36 pm

[Legion] wrote:
Tweak it a bit.

Thats a big ol' run on sentence.




Tweaked a bit, thanks for pointing that out.
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Arglack

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PostSubject: Re: East Clintwood's Bogus Application   Sat Jul 02, 2016 1:19 pm

I have read the app, and there are some thing i'd like to point out:

-There's too much commas, you need to slow down on the use of it because my Reading was too... "paused"

-Morgan Solus is not a character

- Take your time and do a spell check, i've noticed some mistakes and typos here and there

Your app just needs some fixes, i'm gonna leave this on hold until you do so
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East Clintwood

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PostSubject: Re: East Clintwood's Bogus Application   Sat Jul 02, 2016 1:37 pm

Arglack wrote:
I have read the app, and there are some thing i'd like to point out:

-There's too much commas, you need to slow down on the use of it because my Reading was too... "paused"

-Morgan Solus is not a character

- Take your time and do a spell check, i've noticed some mistakes and typos here and there

Your app just needs some fixes, i'm gonna leave this on hold until you do so


Thank you for the tips, the name has been tweaked to be the actual character's name, and comma's have been slightly less comma'd. And spelling errors fixed.
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PostSubject: Re: East Clintwood's Bogus Application   Sun Jul 03, 2016 5:05 pm

Story could have been worked on a bit more, but it's ok for me

Accepted

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Tiberus

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PostSubject: Re: East Clintwood's Bogus Application   Tue Jul 05, 2016 12:19 am

If it means anything, I think it sounds great after reading the bg <3
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PostSubject: Re: East Clintwood's Bogus Application   Thu Jul 07, 2016 2:32 pm

East Clintwood wrote:

Why did you choose this race?: I wanted to do something genuinely interesting for once.

I don't think you really answered the question here. Although turians are only Tier 1, your answer doesn't really give any information on why you set up your character the way you did. Why did you pick a turian? If you just liked how turians acted/looked and thought they were cool, that's not an unacceptable answer for the low-tier species.
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PostSubject: Re: East Clintwood's Bogus Application   Thu Jul 07, 2016 3:09 pm

It was talked on steam, but i'd recommend editing it with the actual reason.
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